1984 – King of the Douchemonkeys edition
Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.
But you could not have pure love or pure lust nowadays. No emotion was pure, because everything was mixed up with fear and hatred.
It’s hard out there for us conservative douchemonkeys. We have to both believe in the fallibility of man and the fallibility of the institutions of man and try to explain why one follows the other to enlightened soulless lothariolds who embrace the institutions of man as a bulwark against the impulses and fallibility of men. The same men who run the institutions. It’s difficult work and it makes us thirsty.
The battle is complicated by the seething hatred the “tolerant” “liberals” feel for us. For example, Polyskeptic stumbled across this gentlemanly corner of the web, found himself completely unable to grok humor, and told me “fuck yourself. I know what you said, and I don’t respect you. The world will be better off when you and the rest of you conservative douchemonkeys die.”
Twas a logophilic knife to my fragile super-ego, a salvo against my genuine concern for all of mankind. If I am terse, it is only because time is of the essence. Polyskeptic, you polyamorous atheist, where is the love? As President Obama said, “Look at Sandra Fluke and ask yourself, ‘Do I want this woman to breed?’” Sorry, wrong quote. I was distracted by my butthurt over centrist, pragmatic, [insert meaningless cliche here] leadership that definitely has nothing to do with free shit.
What I meant to quote was that bit about the red states and the blue states, the liberals and the conservatives, the dogs and cats living together in harmony, and getting Loggins and Messina back together. It was electrifying, but it quickly scurried into the ether as such peripatetic pillow-talk is wont to do.
So, you Tea Partying, neo-con, far right theocracy/patriarchy toting morons out there, get over it and grow up. Your privilege has been showing )except for to yourself), and you need to get out of your mental cave. Your god is an illusion, your patriarchy is divisive and harmful, your misogyny hateful, and your traditions are often absurd and destructive.
I’ll be as clear as I can; you are on the losing side of history, and are hurting the world around you, including yourself.
The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible.
As I am graced with bonhomie, I am genuinely saddened by the blinding rage against the other that Polyskeptic feels, the bigotry and prejudice that clouds his mind. Whereas I speak of destroying a cloying and subjugating ethos, he yearns for the destruction of the flesh and blood adherents to an ethos he personally detests. But the state needs loyal soldiers and we’ve always been at war with Eastasia, so carry on, my friend. You are a unique and special snowflake.
ps. “Douchemonkey” is offensive to women, cleaning products, and animals, you pig.