Hundred Words of Hate – Execuspeak
July 25, 2012
With thanks to Professor Mentu, from whom I stole this framework.
Dear business people – Stop abusing the English language in an attempt to get outside the paradigm and revolutionize the box. Nothing is being impacted. The word is affected. Stop telling people, “Don’t hesitate to contact Joe or myself.” The pronoun is me. Imagine saying, “Give myself a call” to get an idea of how ridiculous you sound. I love language too, but there is nothing awesome about unintentional misuse. Stop cascading ideas. Stop suggesting we let things marinate. Proactivate your brain and accept the fact that attempts to gussy up the banal only impresses idiots while broadcasting your own idiocy.
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Done? Good. Now get back to leveraging some resources. I expect a list of your action items on my desk by EoD. Be disruptive.
What “business people” talk this way?
I suspect the synergy leveraged by the answer will provide an enriching moment when you realize that your maladaptive response to this particular paradigm would have greater currency if it is spent with the appropriate individuals that are acting with agency in regards to your particular issue.
(and no, the answer is not lawyers)
You assume I dislike lawyers. I don’t, I just wish we’d stop electing them. Regardless, their language, though generally as impenetrable as Jamaican Patois, is precise.
No, the answer is business school guys like me, though not me personally, Rotarians, Chamber of Commerce meet and greeters, and those in general who feel that meetings are a good use of time.
Dig deeper.
Hint: Who enjoys these meetings?
Now you’re blowing my mind. I have heard both sexes use gibberish, but never thought of it as beta-orbiter mimicry till just now. Neoteny in the workplace.
You’re coming around.
I dunno. Letting things marinate sounds okay to me. But then you forgot to mention how they use “human resources” when they mean “personnel”and the way some of them use “alright” for “all right” and confuse “principles” with “principals”.:
The academics are worse than the business people.though.
And then there are the guys who do the highlights at halftime on the football radio broadcasts on Sundays. For some reason I can’t figure out, they consistently use the present tense when they’re referring to the past. And speaking of sports, the sports announcers who consistently use the first names of the players instead of the last names, as if we’re all on a first name basis with them, ought to be fired.
This is the sort of crap that all these Tim Ferris clones use to impress gullible losers into buying their ebook full of business advice.
I suspect the synergy leveraged by the answer will provide an enriching moment when you realize that your maladaptive response to this particular paradigm would have greater currency if it is spent with the appropriate individuals that are acting with agency in regards to your particular issue.
*laughs*