Veepstakes
Vice Presidents really don’t matter, cf. Joe “It was a Successful Dump” Biden. Their only real job is to serve as a competent attack dog and not do any harm. For a notable exception to the aforementioned see Joe “Big Fucking Deal” Biden.
Rumors are starting to swirl around which harmless attack dog Romney will choose and, as a noted Romney supporter myself, I have to register my displeasure with some of the names being floated. Romney seems to be leaning toward a sidekick that is exactly like himself, only blander and more timid. Think Smothers Brothers, but without the musical talents, fights, or general macho bad-assedness.
To rectify this, I’m again offering my free consulting services in the form of this shortlist of better VP options.
1. Sean Payton – Hard hitting, good with secret plans
2. Chuck Norris – Roundhouse kicks
3. Charlie Sheen – He’ll help with the single female vote
4. Dick Cheney – Bionic; will shoot opponents; pro-gay marriage before Obama, which could help swing that interest group into the Romney camp
5. Bill Clinton – He really wants Obama to lose, he will say yes, and he will go to the mats to achieve victory. As such, Slick Willie is the obvious choice.
Romney 2012! – Because fuck it
How about Rand Paul? After all, he has endorsed Romney, and it would be a masterstroke, causing infighting amongst the die-hard pro-Ron-Paul types – not that they matter, ultimately, but like McCain’s at-the-time seemingly bold choice of Sarah Palin, which sent tongues a-wagging, and liberals a-shrieking, it would be an unexpected ‘dark horse’ pick.
If Rand Paul is smart, he won’t do it because, as our host said, VPs can’t do anything except share blame in someone else’e administration.
That being said, I like Rand very much.
Yeah, probably would never happen, anyway.
Nor would any of Ulysses’ great suggestions, either, alas…
I like Rand more than his dad because I think Rand better understands how to play the game. That’s why I’m glad he’s not being considered. Win or lose, whoever Romney chooses is likely to end up damaged goods. From a theatrical standpoint, though, it would be a hilarious ticket.
Rand is a conservative with strong libertarian leanings. Ron is a straight libertarian. That’s mostly good, but his border stance stinks.
Not to be confused with a Buffalo Stance.