Briana Loves Jenna Was Really Inaccurate

The always indispensable Professor Foxy is back and ready to answer all serious queries.

Dear Prof. Foxy

I’m a lesbian and have been with my girlfriend for about four months. I was a virgin when we met (one of those mythical 25 y.o. virgins) and she had previously had a very small number of partners. We’re both clean and monogamous. Per her insistence, we always practice safe sex. Gloves. No oral. Her reasoning behind this is that she is saving skin contact for her wife.

Pardon my incredulity, but what the fuck do they do? She mentions gloves. Is lesbian sex nothing more than planting an herb garden while listening to the Indigo Girls?

I want to respect her. I don’t want her to feel bad about her standards or compromise herself. But I definitely want something different. I waited so long to have sex, not that I’m ashamed or regretful about that, and now I’m in a sexual relationship that is inhibited (maybe unnecessarily). When we have sex, she has no problem coming to orgasm. I have only orgasmed once while with her. Sex is not about the orgasm, being intimate together is fantastic. And I want to be with her without a barrier, latex or otherwise. I want to try oral sex and she knows it. She’s talked about trying other things to find something that I really enjoy (toys, light bondage) and has been willing to get dental dams to go down on me but has maintained that in her experience, safe oral is highly unsatisfying. I trust her, so I’m game for just about anything, but I can’t help but feel that we wouldn’t have to go to crazy with the accouterment if we could just touch each other.

The dominant member of the relationship is having orgasms, so something is going on. Either that or that herb garden is more powerful than I originally surmised. Dominant one will go down on the other with a dental dam, but that seems weak to me. Perhaps not. I’ve never had whorehouse sex so I’ve never had to wrap my junk up pre-fellatio. I have no basis of comparison. Nevertheless, the whole “perhaps I’ll lick your snatch through some Saran Wrap but you won’t like it” seems like a self-fulfilling prophesy. “Are you even licking?!?” “Yes and don’t take that blindfold off. I told you that you wouldn’t feel anything.”

As to the “sex isn’t about the orgasm” part – sure thing, Blue. I’ll wager dollars to donuts the tenderness and togetherness is so satisfying that you’ll never feel the need to write a letter to Professor Foxy or anything like that. Wait. What?

All this being said, I’m a little frustrated. I don’t want to be a nag. But right now, our sex is vanilla. I think it could be so much better. Should I keep pushing the issue (tactfully)? Should I wait until our sex life naturally progresses into something more? Or maybe I should just accept that this is where my girlfriend and I are at and find ways to enjoy it? Perhaps there are other options here that I haven’t considered. Any advice you could give would be wonderful.

Sex life. That’s a good one. To those of us reading your description it sounds like you and your girlfriend are just very meticulous about your costumes when you play doctor, but I’m sure that’s just us. Thanks for reminding me that I need to pick up my Hazmat suit from the cleaners on the way home from work. I’m getting lucky tonight!

For her part, Professor Foxy almost really tries, but she doesn’t listen to the simple and surface-level questions Blue is asking. She infers some other shit altogether.

At this point, you have a sexual and intimate desire that she is not willing to meet. Your need for skin-to-skin intimacy is real, but it feels like it is a proxy for you two not being as intimate in general as you would like. You need to think about what you need and what intimacy looks like to you.

Is there a compromise place? Can you take steps towards skin-to-skin contact? Do you actually think it will progress into something more? What if change does not seem possible? What do you need?

Since Blue seems pretty committed to this lesbian thing, I’m guessing what she needs is a cunning linguist speaking truth to power betwixt her legs. No subtext, no proxy, no gloves. Nothing but the sound of Darth Vader eating sushi.