Me Winning Isn’t. You Do.

As a married man, I open anyone. I have no goals other than conversation and keeping my skills polished so I don’t settle into patterns when it comes to talking to the wife. As my goals are limited and easily achievable, I rarely have a facepalm moment. It’s just hard to care that much when you don’t properly neg the senior citizen in the elevator or  when your delightful banter sails beyond the English comprehension level of the immigrant who cleans the office. There are moments in which you just drop the ball, though. You’d like to blame retrenchment, but that just ain’t the case. You got caught flat footed for no apparent reason.

Stepped out at lunch to deposit one of those obsolete paper check things and to grab a Cuban sandwich from the market next door to the bank. I wonder how often Cubans get to eat Cuban sandwiches. Two kinds of pork, cheese, mustard, and pickles all on the same sandwich. That is a luxury.

Went into the bank instead of hitting the drive-through as I didn’t have a deposit slip with me and it’s quicker to go inside. My decision was not hampered by the fact that the tellers at the branch to which I was heading are above average in the looks department, either.

When I walked up to the counter, the teller was reading a book. She placed it on the counter to her left, looked up, and greeted me.

U: You’re obviously busy today.

T: Yeah, but it’s a good book, so I like that I have time to read.

U: What book is it?

She picks it up to reveal “The Five Love Languages.”

T: It’s part of pre-marriage counseling.

U: Going for the covenant marriage?

T: No, it’s through (some) Methodist church. We had to take a quiz and everything. Now we have to read this.

U: I bet your fiancé is excited.

T: Oh yeah, but he’s being a good sport.

Transaction finished at this point.

U: Well, good luck with all that.

Back in car, it hit me. It was a facepalm moment. I knew ‘good luck ‘was shite when I said it, but my brain had deserted me. Being a Southerner, strong religiosity, even if it’s just an appearance, still short-circuits my synapses when it comes to disarming negs. I think, “Oh, a nice, cute, young girl who still believes in marriage” and I leave it at that. If I was single, I’d defend that position. But as I wrote at the start of this post, I’m just practicing and she set me up so perfectly for some solid practice.

Much like the witty retort that you think of after the argument is over, the reply I should have offered came to me once I was back in my car. I was tempted to go back to the bank like a bizarre real life George Constanza  and deliver it, but I’m not that insane.

U: I bet your fiancé is excited.

T: Oh yeah, but he’s being a good sport.

U: Really? That all sounds like a lot of work. Are you really worth so much effort?

T: Smiling - “Yes I’m worth it!” etc., etc.

I exit the bank with a smile and she watches me until I get in my car.

Never stop practicing. When it comes to the random girl at the bank, failure can provide a facepalm moment, but it isn’t the end of the world, at least not for me, as it has zero affect on the rest of my day. For you, assuming you are single, it could be the difference between booty and no booty. In other words, me winning isn’t. You do.