Smell the Glove

The tempest in a teapot that is The Wife Whisperer seems to be giving way to calm. Hopefully the chattering class that deigned to focus so much energy on the post will find new evils to tackle or explore the concept known as “sense of hum0r.” I personally am not moving on as I still haven’t made it to the pet store to purchase an attractive pinch collar and leash. The long weekend shall be dedicated to training Penelope properly. If she tries to smell any bushes at the park without my consent, she’s in trouble.

Or something like that.

See, I have problems with reading comprehension and tend to just assume what paragraphs are saying based on a couple of randomly selected words. I followed this strategy when reading Laura’s post. It taught me so much. First, I should call my wife a bitch and outfit her with a training collar. Then, I should smell her ass to make sure everything is okay. After that, it’s all about hardcore alpha dominance.  To get what I’m talking about, watch this clip from This is Spinal Tap and listen to the description of what the album cover was supposed to look like.

On Monday, I plan to give Penelope half my stuff and ask some friends if I can crash on their couch.

I haven’t discussed it with Laura, so I could be wrong, but it seems to be that just as Cesar Millan himself says that he doesn’t train dogs, he trains people, Laura was offering tongue in cheek training for men, not women. She was suggesting that men be leaders, the alphas, of their respective packs, not that women become well-trained animals. As a repeat advocate for leadership, I agree. As a frequent smart-ass, I love her approach.

Alas for Laura and Hestia, who was also attacked by the genies once their masters released them from their Freejinger teapot, an appreciation for and ability to discern satire is not universal, hence the ensuing storm. As a magnanimous sort, I am here to help those who misinterpreted the point of the article and resolve any lingering doubts. My methods are unorthodox, but they are highly effective. I call it Dr. Ulysses’ Spinal Tap Method for Quiet Understanding. It’s a combination of beautiful music and exercise. The following video provides the music and motivation with instructions for the exercise at the end. The Lego men should help break it down to a level that’s easy to understand.

Contact Dr. Ulysses to book your Smell the Glove/Lick the Love Pump session today! Don’t delay, space is limited. The pack can only support so many members.