Just Give Me the Bag, Hippie
This morning I went to the natural food store for a few items I cannot find at my local grocery stores. Picked up some ground elk, whole milk yogurt, ginger beer, and HFCS-free crackers. Produce was more expensive and less local (read: ripened on trucks rather than on the vine) than the farmer’s market offerings, so I avoided those.
When checking out, the girl asked me if I brought a bag with me. I’m wearing not loose clothes and don’t have a backpack or anything. Being, like a majority of humans, unable to produce a reusable bag Go, Go, Gadget style, I figured the answer should be obvious but I did tell her that no, I did not have a bag with me.
“I guess I can just give you plastic. Don’t you want to buy one of our reusable bags?”
“No, I have too many at home already. I don’t want another one.”
Pregnant pause.
“Okay,” said with obvious disapproval.
I don’t have a grocery bag soapbox. Paper, plastic, or cloth – knock yourself out. I really don’t care. What I do care about is the holier than thou attitude that often accompanies the cloth bag purists. Just give me the damn plastic bag and don’t make a big deal about it. I reuse the plastic ones, so I’m adhering to the Trinity. More important, I don’t reek of patchouli and BO.
Who would have ever guessed something as simple as grocery bags would become the big issue they have. In hippie stores I’ve had the looks of scorn for forgetting my cloth bags, in mainstream grocery stores I’ve had looks of death from the baggers who get to use my sewn-by-me and super pretty cloth bags. At least there is solace to be found at the farmers mkt where the people are just happy you’re supporting local farmers no matter what bag or basket you brought.
More important, I don’t reek of patchouli and BO.
LOL, if I never need a self-esteem boost, the hippie store is sure to give it.
“No. Just the batteries. Could you double-bag that? Thanks. You know what triple-bag it. I’m kind of clumsy and these bags have a million uses, including being thrown away.
Do you have someone who could carry that to my vehicles, perhaps a malnourished child or Peace Corp volunteer? Yes, I said vehicles. More than one. Sometimes a single Humvee just isn’t enough and I hate to pick between red and black, especially this early in the morning.
Do you carry any ammo? Shame that. Ted Nugent and I are off to ‘cap’ some prairie dogs this afternoon. (He’s in the black Humvee.) Well, thanks for all your help.
One more thing: do you have a recycling bin? Wonderful. I’ve been looking for somewhere to unload this pile of tungsten and depleted uranium. You’re a doll. Or would be if you lost a few pounds.”
Plastic bags make for great portable vomitoriums for those inclined to indulge in excesses.
Classic. Love the judgement from checkout girls still wet behind the ears. The folly of the young….no freakin’ idea how life works, but so willing to judge anyway.
But it had to be a chance to game her a bit. Roissy would be proud of that opening.
[Last week was the week of really long days and sleep deprivation. I'm not cool and charming when I'm sleep deprived, I'm a cranky curmudgeon. Playful negs turn into pointed evil. Best to avoid such expressions.]