Catcalls, Video Games, and Revenge Fantasies

Living in the South, catcalls aren’t prevalent. I’ve catcalled a few girls myself, but it was always girls I knew and had some sort of relationship with. I just happened to drive past them as they were walking somewhere and I yelled “Hey baby! Lookin’ good!” or something similar. The girls realized it was me and we all enjoyed a chuckle.

Catcalls outside the South are more serious business. Some people write them off as harmless annoyances, some stew on them. In the stewers’ camp are the people who developed Hey, Baby.

Ever had one of those seemingly endless days?

All you want to do is to get home… You’re the last one out of the office. Its getting dark outside…

You walk down the streets and realize the streetlights are burnt out.
There’s no one around. You hear a footstep behind you. The light flickers.

You turn and he says, “I wanna lick you all over…..”

And then you remember, you’re packing a 3′ long .80 caliber machine gun that’s locked and loaded.

Ladies, are you sick and tired of catcalling, hollering, obnoxious one-liners and creepy street encounters? Tired of changing your route home to avoid uncomfortable situations?

IT’S PAYBACK TIME, BOYS…..

Mmmmkay. Two wrongs do not make a right. Degrees of severity do matter. Killing a man who is socially awkward and lacks the mental filter that says, “Yo, asshole, don’t say ‘I want to lick you all over’” to a stranger and who is incapable of striking up a normal and appropriate conversation is of a different degree than said catcall.

I am not here to defend or defenestrate catcalls. Personally, I think they are the pick-up equivalent of a shotgun in the hands of an untrained sniper. Not only is the tool wrong, the sniper is not going to hit his target. They are the mark of a loud, but determined, omega chump. There is no effort at actual conversation, no attempt to actually talk to a person. The catcaller, at least the catcaller who is actually after sex and not just being loud and boorish in public, is afraid of approaching his target. Instead, he just fires a pattern in her general direction and hopes something finds the mark.

Hey, Baby has already generated lots of heat. Leigh, who blogs at Sexy Videogameland is definitely in the bothered by catcalls camp.

I am a young woman living in an urban area. As such, I have special considerations that men, or women living in more rural or more gentrified areas, may not. To put it succinctly, I can’t walk to the train without someone catcalling me, smacking their lips at me, or blowing their car horn at me.

Even when there’s no auditory cues, there are sometimes visual ones. I’m still sometimes aware in my periphery of people leering at me as I pass by. This background din is annoying; I deal with it by wearing headphones so I can’t hear it, and sunglasses so that I feel safe from unwanted eye contact.

You could say this happens because I’m a good looking young woman, and I should “take it as a compliment.” It’s not a compliment, and it has little to do with how I look, as it happens to a lot of girls I know.

I resent that I have to take different routes home than the direct ones, to avoid the blocks where I know there are a lot of workers or neighborhood guys hanging out on the sidewalk as if the girls walking by were some kind of show for their entertainment. I resent that I can’t wear a cute dress without it being perceived as an invitation for comments from strangers. I’m just trying to go jogging outdoors and people are saying things as I pass them that make me horrendously body-conscious when I just want to work out. I’ve sometimes chosen my clothes based on where I’m going and the sort of areas I plan to walk through on my way. That sucks.

At best, it’s a little bit irritating, part and parcel of living in a big city. At worst, it makes me unsafe. I don’t walk alone at night in residential areas, ever. I’ve had cars follow me. A comment or solicitation that’s just gross and annoying yelled out of a car window on a busy street by day becomes frightening and sinister on an empty block at night. It really sucks.

Thus far, I for the most part agree with Leigh. Though I don’t think that all catcallers are potential rapists, I do think their behavior is counterproductive. Either step to her like a man, appropriately and with a strong display of higher value, or shut the fuck up. “Hey baby, nice tits!” yelled from across the street is idiotic.

Leigh, though, is too kind to the Hey, Baby developers and the mindset behind it.

It’s crude and it’s terrible — the person who sent it to me called it “more of a game experience and conversation catalyst than a game.” But boy, does it look like my neighborhood, right down to the water towers on the rooftops and the ice cream truck jingle that’s so ubiquitous around here in the summer (the season when you feel like you’re making yourself vulnerable just by wearing warm-weather clothes). The things they say are pretty realistic — and appear on the tombstones that pop up once you kill a strolling aggressor.

I think you all will find it disturbing to play. The sad thing is how I fear many guys out there will respond.

I just know that there are plenty of you reading this thinking that these male neighbors of mine are “just going about it the wrong way,” and that there’s a “nice way” to bother a woman walking alone or out shopping.

Plenty of people do do it “the nice way” — they patiently and politely insist on just talking to me for a minute, or they just want to step into my path to tell me my eyes are nice. And can’t I take a compliment?

To that, I say, why don’t I have the right to go to my corner store and home again without feeling obligated to be friendly to strangers on the sidewalk just because the strangers are physically attracted to me? Do I owe them something? Yes, it’s rather nice that the workers in my bodega all want to shake my hand and ask me all about how I’m doing and what I’m up to every time I go in in the morning, it’s so good that they’re friendly, but maybe I just want to buy a damn pack of cigarettes without having to explain what I’m all dressed up for.

Maybe I don’t like that I have to walk several blocks to a faraway store for feminine products or other personal things because I don’t feel comfortable asking my “friends” to get them for me from where they’re kept behind the counter.

The worst is so many guys on the street are jerks that I often feel like I have to force a smile and a polite attitude for people who are “just paying me a compliment” or are being nice about it. Over time, little incidents like that — when I indulge conversation with men because they’re “just trying to be nice” even though I don’t feel like talking, or when I smile when I don’t really want to smile — start to make me feel as personally violated as the harsher transgressions that are easier to ignore.

No, wait, here’s the worst. The worst is that there are entire demographics of people out there who would dismiss my complaints — oh, poor you, you get attention because people think you’re pretty, they say. Again, I don’t think this has anything to do with how I look (although I had a friend tell me recently she fantasizes about disfiguring herself so that she never has to worry about this happening), because it’s not like I’m a model or something.

It’s latent misogyny that happens in big cities; it takes my power away. It makes me an object in front of people I don’t even know, and that’s not okay whether they’re nice about it or not. It is nothing less than a slow-burning chronic trauma.

The dudes who are bothering Leigh are going about it the wrong way. Politeness doesn’t preclude failure. If they were doing it the right way, the right way being the way that elicits the response that the dudes were hoping for, then she wouldn’t have mentioned them in her post. Don’t lump all men who talk to strangers into the same bushel. Properly applied game and adept conversational skill avoids such awkwardness. The correct approach opens the woman to the conversation rather than immediately putting her on the defensive.

Moreover, the bit about latent misogyny reveals much about Leigh’s worldview. Perhaps the men she’s dealing with are misogynists, but the undercurrent is that most, if not all, men are misogynists. That’s bullshit. Most men I know love women. That’s why they’re constantly trying to talk to them. Their methods may suck, but the motivation is nonetheless love. As to the girl who talks of disfiguring herself, she’s got bigger fish to fry than catcallers.

Leigh closes with:

So someone’s made a game that’s an outlet for that rage, that wants us to discuss that rage. Discuss. And be civil — do not make me close the comments, please.

As far as I can tell, she has not closed the comments. But claiming that the game is just an outlet for rage presupposes that said outlet is appropriate. It is not. (Would Sodini the videogame be appropriate?) Claiming that the developers were just trying to spark a dialog ascribes motive that is not evident from Hey, Baby’s website.

The comments to Leigh’s post and other discussions of the game have been lively. Dissent has been forthcoming. Johnnermann offers a measured critique.

The game, to me, is interesting only in the conversation it has started. To my view, it looks like a simple revenge fantasy; the only message being “Wouldn’t it be neat to hurt people who are not very nice to you?” Which is valid as a cathartic tool, but isn’t a very new statement, and is on the face of it sort of disturbing. It’s certainly not a message I hope we would carry over into our lives. The analogy that rings most true to me would be a game about killing school bullies – like many geeks, I was bullied as a kid, and I often fantasized about what I would like to do to the perpetrators. And then Columbine happened, just over the mountains, and I realized that some people carried that fantasy into reality. I have a lot of sympathy for what people who are bullied went through – but I’m really not sure that a game where you kill your tormentors is a healthy response on any level*. Kieron talks about the existence of the game giving us an idea of how women feel – and that’s valid. But it’s not a very interesting expression, nor does it offer much idea of how to actually deal with the problem. In fact, as one of my coworkers pointed out, it really seems to suggest that the best response is to take out one’s aggression on virtual cat-callers, rather than approach the problem in any other way.

So what would an interesting, thoughtful game about this subject look like? The game that sprang immediately to mind, for some reason, was The Path, by Tale of Tales. It’s been claimed that the game is about rape, although the creators deny that. Still, the heavily metaphorical look and feel of the game really says much more to me than the simplistic punching-bag-with-a-face-drawn-on mechanics of Hey, Baby. It’s much easier to identify with the characters in The Path than the nameless, faceless, voiceless woman of Hey, Baby, and thus empathy is possible. Perhaps Hey, Baby is aimed solely at women who already know what this situation feels like, and want to work out their aggression – but in that case it’s a failure at teaching the rest of us how it feels, and altering the behavior of the men who act in that way. I talked to several women about their reaction to this game, and Leigh’s response was certainly not universal. One thought the game was “just like any other game in that vein”, and another (my wife) was disturbed and upset by the idea of Hey, Baby, just as I was. So at the least, Hey, Baby is limiting its audience to a subset of women, and almost certainly excluding men from its message. If the game is aiming to change behavior and promote a great discussion of this issue, then, it could do much better.

The third thing, and honestly the part that made me most unhappy, was the response to my and others’ criticism of the game. Both Leigh and Kieron made statements effectively saying (to my interpretation) “Don’t discuss this game or post if you’re going to disagree”.

I don’t have anything to add. Though Johnermann and I most likely disagree on a number of topics, the silencing of debate, the potential overreaction inherent in Hey, Baby, and the limited audience are flaws. Of course, Johnermann starts from the perspective that there was a goal with Hey, Baby. Personally, I think it’s the I Spit on Your Grave of videogames, though less entertaining and probably featuring far fewer ultra-wide camera shots.

Justin Amirkhani, in a deleted comment, (guess heavily moderated doesn’t equal closed), sums it up nicely:

I get the issue, and I appreciate that there are projects like this that start conversations. I’m also a guy and still don’t fully understand the whole business. However, I did want to make a comment on the game design and say it’s a little counter-productive.

While playing the game I find myself wanting to hear the catcalls and comments before I want to kill the guys. For me, they’re a highlight while playing and this sends mixed messages as to how females feel about the issue. Obviously I can’t speak for Lady Killas’ intent, but as someone oblivious to the issue the game made me feel like women like or want to hear the comments before rejection.

Now, reading your article I know that’s not true. Speaking to my sister or girlfriend, I know that’s not true. But the game still led me to believe that’s what it was trying to say.

I don’t want to say it’s a bad game, because a piece like this can’t be bad if it’s caused us to have this conversation. However, if it’s intent was to get me to empathize with a woman it hasn’t. Instead it’s put very bad, very misogynistic ideas in my head.

Addendum:
By no means am I excusing or even commenting on the sexist behaviour the game displays. I am fully aware what women endure from perverts is disgusting and they shouldn’t have to deal with it.

The point I’m trying to make is that if this game is about creating empathy, it doesn’t do a good job. I can’t say if it’s a good vent for frustrations because I don’t share those troubles, but I don’t think it does a good job of putting me in a woman’s shoes (If that’s even the point).

Still, I recommend people give it a try. It’s an interesting piece and there’s a lot of interesting conversation coming from it.

Justin broaches a relevant flaw in the game. Though the game was purportedly designed in rejection of catcalls, the game itself led at least one person to feel as though women wanted to hear the catcall prior to passing judgment.

Women do like to be approached. Happy couples and new babies the world over are a testament to this. The anger inspired by the approach is proportionally inverse to the efficacy of the approach.

Catcalls are bullshit. Ascribing misogyny to men who catcall is also bullshit. Treating a videogame that depicts the murder of catcallers as an appropriate response is bullshit too.

If you’re a man, don’t yell at women from across the street. If you’re an actual man, approach her as such and offer something of value. If you’re a woman, don’t spend too much time worrying about the sexism and misogyny of said catcalls. It’s not sexism and misogyny, it’s a lack of class; it’s a failure of increasingly lax norms and mores. If you’re an actual woman, worry about the parent (or, less often, parents) and the society that created these men. If they’re yelling “Nice ass” to every girl they see walking down the street, they’re probably not shining examples of humanity to begin with.

In short, don’t focus on the symptoms, treat the disease. Do so out in the world, not holed up at home, staring at your computer, acting out asymmetrical revenge fantasies in a pathetic attempt to “start a dialog.” You won’t score as many points, but you might actually end up having an enjoyable conversation.

With one giant hat-tip to Capitalist Lion Tamer for the articles and discussion that spawned this post. Anything offensive, though, is the sole propriety of me and not the work of CLT.