Shit Laërtes Says

Spent several hours with my father this weekend and he dropped some knowledge.

(Quoting a late uncle on why he married a shitty woman who took him to the cleaners): “I’m addicted to pussy and she’s the only one who would give me any!”

On China: “I’ve been saying for 10 years now that that testosterone will spill over and all those men are going to swarm out of China like locusts, eating and fucking everything in their path.”

On his dog who eats cat shit: “He laid down next to a shit temple. . .” (quizzical look from me.) “When cats shit out here they pile it up under leaves and it forms a little pyramid. I call them shit temples.”

On a dog he gave to another family member and who loved to eat deer shit while in my dad’s charge: “I took a shovel and a coffee can and gathered up a whole pile of deer shit. When it was supper time I filled his bowl with that shit. The other two got dog food. He looked at me and I said, ‘You love deer shit. There you go.’ He skipped that meal and he never ate deer shit again.”

(He and my mom have been taking dance lessons and he’s really gotten into it. I’m guessing the younger ladies he dances with at lessons while Mom is gabbing doesn’t hurt his enthusiasm): “Listen to this song. This is samba. Doesn’t it just make you want to dance?”

The Unified Economic Theory of Sex: “Everything men do, build, acquire is in pursuit of pussy. Everything women do, acquire is to show their friends, ‘See, my pussy is better than yours.’”