Notice She Doesn’t Say You Can’t Be an Ego-Inflated, Arrogant Jerk

While researching Wednesday’s post on niceness v. meanness, I stumbled across this website. I haven’t delved too deeply into its message boards. I prefer my masochism in the form of an especially unwelcome alarm clock buzzing or a bit of dehydration. But I did read the article that led me to Heartless Bitches International. Is the article, Why ‘Nice Guys’ are often such LOSERS, just the sort of supportive warm and fuzzy pedantry one would expect from the digital watercooler of  Heartless Bitches worldwide? Let’s take a gander:

What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys ™ are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity — a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are “users” — just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on “Nice Guys”, stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It’s no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life…

I am pleasantly nonplussed. That is not what I was expecting. The author really honed in on one of the truths about purported nice guys. Will this continue or will I find myself plussed?

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find “Nice Guys” to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a “lets get together for coffee” date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be “friends”, in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a “date”.

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be — not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

Self-confident goddesses prefer it when the sacrifice includes both a goat and a fruit tray. The fertility ritual must include frequent compliments of the goddess’ shoes and statements about how good her butt looks in the ceremonial dress.

Or something like that. The author kind of lost me after the first few words. I think she’s plussing me, though I’m not sure. For the sake of science, let me go back and actually read what she wrote.

. . .

My perplexion continues. The language babbles like a brook and the ideas are couched in feelings, but the truncated version is, “No roses, no pedestals, no supplication, just game us. Forget the couching language and let us retire to this couch. I expect you to provide a thorough rib-rocking shagging.” At least that’s how the well-bred gal would phrase it.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it’s being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly “give in”. When she doesn’t appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, “Everything I did, I did for her.”, as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn’t want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

I’m starting to kind of like this unnamed heartless bitch. She’s telling men to be decisive, even if her logic for liking that personality trait has the hamster wheel spinning so hard that smoke and sparks are flying off. She’s telling men to verbalize their desires. She’s telling men not to prostrate themselves. The last line of the above paragraph does need an edit though. Allow me, “A woman doesn’t want a martyr. She wants a man.”

Unnamed bitch then weaves through various expansions of the anti-pedestalization, anti-oneitis themes for a few paragraphs. Now for the big finish or, if you will, the small death:

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don’t like themselves. Is it any wonder women don’t like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for “love”.

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN’T SEXY. IT’S A TURNOFF.

You don’t have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

And there it is. Insecurity isn’t sexy. You don’t have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk, but it doesn’t hurt. Exude confidence. Focus on your own desires. Pursue your goals, including the most bootylicious of goals. Especially the most bootlyicious goals. Listen to the heartless bitch. She knows of what she speaks.